For my personal blog, I'm back to doing semi-daily notes, talking about whatever's on my mind. Today, I'm thinking about a few fundamental questions: "Who am I?" and "What do I do?" I'm really focused on refining these answers for myself.
I've been attending some events lately and plan to go to many more in the future. I'm even thinking about hosting my own events soon to rebuild my self, network, connections, etc.
🌀 Liminal Space Again
Recently, I wrote a blog post about liminality, and I find myself in that space right now. I feel like I was recovering from the trauma of 2023 until last winter. And then, just as I was starting to heal, I experienced another series of unfortunate events as is Count Olaf and the writers of the Truman show are writing the script of my life. It's been non-stop difficult environments since December 2023. Now I'm once again in recovery mode.
These experiences have significantly disrupted my life and career. As I recover again, I'm also trying to figure out what's next for me - essentially redefining who I am, where I stand in life, where I want to go, and what I want to do.
🎨 Somewhere Between Creative & Tech
Right now, I'm feeling drawn to working in a space that exists at the intersection of creative and tech fields. Or perhaps something fully in either direction.
The challenge is that I desperately need a stable place to live and stable income. Not having these two essentials has unfortunately landed me in abusive situations (after leaving an entire continent because of abusive behavior) over the past year and a half, which isn't something I want for myself anymore.
Now that I've removed myself from those environments, I can clearly see the extent of damage they caused - to my brain, my mind, my personality, my well-being, and my social skills. I truly understand how being around people who tear you down mentally, physically, and emotionally can cause severe, lasting damage.
I feel like the "bossnayamoss" has been torn down, beaten to a pulp, and washed away. Being a "boss" isn't even how I would express myself anymore. I went from having a great, lucrative career where I had climbed the ladder to sadly letting the wrong people completely drag me down and tear me apart—both literally and figuratively. Sometimes it hurts to work in Bryant Park because that's where I used to have dinners & more with executives and C-level folks. It's devastating to realize I allowed myself to be immersed in environments that transformed me into someone I wouldn't even recognize if you had shown me this version of myself six or seven years ago.
🧠 Neurodivergence & Recovery
Yesterday, I was also reflecting on how autism, ADHD, and OCD have shaped my life experiences.
I've been thinking about how much my social skills have deteriorated, which feels bizarre because I've always been very outgoing. People would ask me to host their events in the past as they felt my spirit and personality is (well was) uplifting.
It's difficult to accept that when I walk into a room now, I'm a different person. I'm not experiencing anxiety anymore, but my time in Romania really damaged something in me.
I'm having to retrain myself to become that Naya who was a natural connector, who easily integrated and adapted into any space, who instinctively knew the right things to say. I'm working my way back to being myself again.
