Have you ever realized you’ve been using the wrong term to describe something? That moment of clarity can change everything. I recently discovered my approach to empathy wasn’t “dualistic thinking” at all—it was something much deeper. This revelation reshaped how I understand myself and how I engage with others.

The Misunderstanding: What I Thought About Dualistic Thinking

For a while, I thought I was a “dualistic thinker”—someone who sees all sides of a situation and understands the full spectrum of human behavior and motivation, including how environment, access to knowledge, education, research, and neutral media shape people.

Take, for example, when I encounter someone being unkind. Instead of labeling them as a “mean person,” I’ve always tried to consider their deeper context—maybe they’re struggling, weren’t shown kindness growing up, or have challenges I can’t see. I thought this ability to look beyond the surface was dualistic thinking. And boy, was I wrong. This mindset while “great to have”, has sadly led me to stay too long in abusive situations and environments. But I digress—I’ll share more on that another time.

What Is Dualistic Thinking, and How Does It Compare?

After diving into research, I realized I had it completely backward. Dualistic thinking refers to seeing the world in strict binaries—good versus evil, right versus wrong, friend versus foe. It simplifies everything into neat, opposing boxes with no room for nuance.

What I’ve been practicing all this time? That’s actually contextual thinking, with elements of holistic thinking mixed in:

• Dualistic Thinking: Simplifies the world into opposites (e.g., good vs. bad).
• Contextual Thinking: Considers circumstances and background to interpret actions.
• Holistic Thinking: Looks at the bigger picture and interconnected factors.
• Integrative Thinking: Combines multiple perspectives to find creative solutions.

When Someone’s Unkind: How Contextual Thinking Shapes Empathy

This realization brought new clarity to how I approach difficult situations. When someone treats me poorly, I don’t rush to judgment. Instead, I think about their context—maybe they’re having a bad day, or their past experiences shaped their behavior.

It turns out, my ability to find empathy in challenging moments isn’t dualistic thinking. It’s contextual and holistic thinking, which allows me to consider how different factors interconnect and influence behavior.

How Understanding Thinking Styles Changes Perspective

While dualistic thinking has its uses—like quick decision-making in emergencies—it’s contextual and holistic thinking that enable deeper understanding and empathy. Recognizing these thinking styles has given me a framework to better process and interpret the world around me.

This journey taught me an important lesson: sometimes, we’re developing valuable skills even when we don’t have the right labels for them. It’s less about getting the terminology right and more about knowing how to use these skills to grow and connect with others.

What about you? Have you ever discovered you were using the wrong term to describe something you do naturally? How did putting the right label on it change your understanding of yourself?