I’ve seen so many situations where lack of self-control and anger completely derails conversations. In the very distant past, I found myself close to that edge too. But I’ve been fortunate to learn from others – I’ve always had friends who were much older and wiser. They taught me something invaluable about heated moments: they’re never the right time for serious talks.

My approach to self-control and confrontation is deeply rooted in my childhood experiences. Growing up around angry people who lacked self-control taught me very early to let others cool down before attempting any real conversation. What started as a survival skill evolved into wisdom – I learned that waiting for the right moment always works better than forcing a discussion when emotions are high.

When people lose their self-control and get angry, they see red. They’re not really listening, just waiting to speak or, worse, yell. Over time, I’ve developed a simple approach that requires constant self-control: “I’m not engaging while you’re yelling or cursing. We can talk about this when you’re calm and it’s a better time.” Yes, this often makes people even angrier initially, but I’ve found it far better than having two people losing control, shouting over each other with raised voices, neither actually hearing anything.

I remember the few times people tried to force me into conversations while they were angry. Those interactions never went well. Unfortunately, my refusal to engage often made them angrier, but I’ve learned it’s still better than participating in a shouting match where no one’s really listening.

This is especially relevant with people who are in my life not by choice. When they get angry and lose control, insisting it’s their way or the highway, I simply disengage and shut down. I’ve learned there’s no point wasting energy trying to reason with someone who’s seeing red – maintaining my own self-control becomes the priority because engaging is just not worth it.

From my older friends, I learned that what feels like “honesty” in these heated moments is often just hurt speaking through lack of control. I’ve watched countless conversations spiral into chaos because people insisted on talking through their anger rather than exercising self-control. But waiting isn’t about avoiding the issue. It’s about choosing a better time when both people have regained their composure and can actually hear each other.

This approach has protected many of my relationships. People learn that I won’t engage when self-control is absent, and over time, they often adapt to having calmer discussions. It’s not about suppressing emotions – it’s about having enough self-control to express them at the right time, in the right way.

The real power lies in being able to step back and maintain self-control when everything around you is chaos. Sometimes, the strongest thing you can say is “Let’s talk about this when we’re both calm.” It’s not easy, especially when others try to force confrontation, but I’ve never regretted choosing self-control and patience over immediate reaction.

Have you found yourself in situations where maintaining self-control and stepping back from heated moments actually led to better conversations? What helps you maintain boundaries when others push for immediate confrontation?

Remember, choosing to maintain self-control when someone’s angry isn’t weakness – it’s wisdom learned from experience. Sometimes the most powerful move is simply having the discipline to wait for a better moment.