Hi, it’s me, the “friend” that always cancels. Normally, if I have friction with someone, I address it head-on, especially in a professional setting such as work. In one’s personal life, we typically foster lifelong friendships that are less likely to change, therefore, being direct, especially in close-knit circles, can be a bit of murky water. Here’s why I honestly cancel most of our plans:

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I work a demanding and very stressful job and experience a lot of racism and or sexism which takes a toll on my happiness. Therefore, I’m very intent on having people who are positive, loving, supportive, and overall great to be around in my personal life. I feel drained after hanging out with you.

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Well, ok we are not friends, we are in the same friend circle, and I thought I was polite by accepting your offer to hang out. Though I should have just said no enough times until you stopped asking. Actually, I should have been honest with you and declined to hang out or have said no thank you.

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I want to tell you why I feel we are not compatible, and see how we can get to understand and know each other better. Unfortunately, I assume it will be met with anger, followed by gossip, so I never bothered.

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I don’t enjoy being around you. I track my mood interactions daily, and data shows, that I feel sad, upset, or angry after we interact.

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You are a person who values material things and money over people, and experiences.

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I don’t feel comfortable around you. Likely, you are too gossipy, negative, judgmental, demeaning, overstep boundaries, and say racist things. It’s also likely that you have consistently made fun of my speech impediment and my language learning progress.

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Sincerely,

The person who has matured now says no more often, sets boundaries, and is candid about their feelings 💜

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